Epitomes of Goodness

I've been thinking a lot recently about role models. I couldn't tell you why. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I leave in the morning to return to Jonesboro. Once again away from everything that means home or familiar. I got used to being there but now I'm afraid I'll have to go through the whole ordeal again. Little Rock means close friends who know me inside and out. People who know the way I think, that know my past, that helped me through the hardest parts of my life. And as my friend Emily said, "there's something special about a hug from a person who has known you for more than three months." I loved seeing my friends this break. I love hearing their stories about the first semester we've spent away from each other. It made me realize how great it is to have people in my life that know what I mean when I'm not always clear in what I say.

So, role models. I'm realizing more and more how important it is to have them. I consider a role model to be someone that you admire, someone that you want to live like. I've been blessed with some amazing ones in my life. The worst thing about a role model though, is this: Once realizing your extreme adoration of them, you begin to seek their approval. Up until this point in my life I have always been successful in doing so. It's a feeling unlike any other to know that a person you think highly of approves of you. But what about when you can't? What about when you try and try but you just can't build the relationship you want with them? It reminds me of the show Scrubs. JD constantly and unwaveringly does every action humanly possible to win the approval of Dr. Cox. I don't think it ever happens. I can't say that for sure because honestly, I haven't seen how the show ends. All is know is episode after episode JD tries and tries and all he gets is Dr. Cox calling him a girls name and then going off on a long rant about how little he cares about him, and what he'd rather be doing than talking to him. My case isn't near as extreme as this but I'm definitely caught in this type of situation. I've had past mentors, though, who have influenced me to  become who I am now. They deserve a shout out.

Brook- My sister has helped me through so much, and continues to. I think everybody has that one person they call when they're on the verge of tears. My sister is mine. Any time I may feel trapped or confused or just need a familiar voice I call Brook and, when she isn't studying, she talks me through it as long as it takes. Whether it's an important issue or just something silly that someone unintentionally did that hurt me, she takes the time to talk me through it until I feel better.

Kerri Connaughton- She is one of the first, if not THE first person, I ever really looked up to that wasn't related to me. I met Kerri at a camp I went to at the age of ten. She was sixteen. Her nickname at camp was Spurs and I still catch myself sometimes wanting to call her that. I think most girls around the age of ten are intrigued by horses. I know I definitely was. Kerri was in charge of the horse unit at camp. That's not the only reason I liked her though. This particular camp experience was the first time I had ever been away from home for any length of time. I was to spend a week there in a unit called "Splash" where the majority of the time was spent playing around in the lake, canoeing, anything water related really. The only time I ever saw Kerri was during meals a couple times a day. I had more fun sitting at fold out table eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with her than I did the entire time at camp. She made me laugh and forget how much I missed home for a while. The way meals worked was each staff member would sit at a table and kids would file in and pick which table they wanted to sit at. Kerri's always filled up the fastest; everybody wanted to be around her. So I started getting to meals as fast as was possible in a camp where you aren't allowed to run so I could sit with her. After that week I remember making sure I found her to say goodbye and I gave her the biggest hug. She probably didn't even know how much better she had made my week. After camp I sent her a letter and after several weeks of waiting she wrote me back. It still blows my mind that this sixteen year old, who probably had so many things better to do than talk to some obnoxious little kid, wrote me back and talked to me about the latest harry potter books and pokemon. She gave me her house address and we continued to write each other, all of her letters ending in "Be Good!" When I was old enough to have an email address we switched to that and eventually to phones. She taught me how to ride a horse with patience. I still remember riding on trails with her where we'd come to a cross road and she'd say "left or right?" I'd pick the one that looked most dangerous. She loved to ride fast. I don't even see her twice a year but she's still in my life. It's crazy to think about what I'd be like without her influence, if I had never written that letter. It's crazy to think about how what started as a kid that marveled at a camp counselor became a friendship that I'll always be thankful for.

Emily Faith- Em, not sure if you will end up reading this or not but know that I love you so much. I think you have listened to me whine more than any other person on this planet. For your patience and constant support and kind words, even when I was probably driving you mad, I admire you. At the end of my senior year I was given an assignment from my english teacher to write a letter to someone that we felt had helped us accomplish the year in some way, and I wrote mine to you. I never sent it because, as I did most assignments, I wrote it the night before (it's no less honest for this fact) and immediately had to turn it in..later forgetting about it and leaving it unread to you. So here it is: Dear Emily, From the moment I met you at Indian Hills Elementary I knew you would remain in my life as long as I lived it. You have been one of my best friends and number one supporters through everything. I can never thank you enough for that. I can promise that if you ever need me I will be there without fail, every single time. You have shown me through your patience and kindness what it is to be a true friend and to have one. High school is a far cry from the sheltered elementary school you and I attended. It has been rough and eye opening. High school took us out of our protective shells and threw us into life as we now know it. You were always more prepared for the real world than I was, and helped me transition as best as you could. You've listened to my whining, complaining, overjoyed excitement, rambles, and opinionated expressions. You have helped me become independent. You were never afraid to say "live a little" or "how many chances do you think you'll get?" I love you. Thank you for everything you have done for me and for the future times you will undoubtedly be there to help me through whatever may come.

Emily (left), me, and Macy (right). Forgive my appearance
I had just finished lifeguarding for 8 hours.

Macy Maddux- Macy is unique as a role model because she's also a close friend. I think in a typical situation you look up to someone, put them up on a pedestal, because you think of them as a hero...as someone who is so much greater than you, maybe even someone that saves you. People typically do this assuming that their hero has no faults. But when you have a close friend as a hero, when you know their faults and know how honest they are in them, it makes them twice the hero they were before. Macy is so honest with me about everything she doesn't like about herself..all of the things she wants to make better. I'm not talking about things like body image here. Macy wants to improve her heart and there is something so beautiful about a person that genuinely wants to grow in that way. She's also bold and bright and loves on people in a way I can only someday hope to.

Tyron Edwards said, "People never improve unless they look to some standard or example higher and better than themselves." Mark Twain said, "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Ernest Hemingway said, "As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary." And Paul Shafer said," The most important single influence in the life of a person is another person who is worthy of emulation."   Clearly people in the past have stopped to ponder and realize the importance of these greater people in our lives  -the ones that change our hearts. My challenge is that you, too, think about those that have impacted your story and maybe just take the time to thank them for it. And stop wasting time trying to gain the approval of those that you don't need it from, but remember the people that love you for who you are. That was a long one...sorry readers.